Why people maybe fear you as a person?

A middle-aged man with a warm smile.
Which do you instill: Fear or love? What a contrast between the sunny, heart-warming affection of a fellow human creature and the disquieting, morbid fear of another person!"

Deep down in your heart you may want to instill affection in those who you associate with, especially those who are in any measure dependent on you or are accountable to you.

Yet in spite of your best intentions you may do the very opposite. How so?

Why people maybe fear you?

A young lady with a poker face.

It is so easy to instill fear if you are not careful. It may be just by your very facial expression!

When you note another person smiling or wanting to smile, do you keep a poker face (as the picture above Illustrates), remain expressionless or do not reciprocate with a smile?

If you do then you may cause doubt and fear as to whether you are harboring something against that person. How little effort it takes to smile, and yet it can mean so much!

Then again you may instill fear by your very tone of voice. A gruff, harsh voice, a hard, unyielding tone can cow others, causing them to fear you.

You may by nature have a harsh, rasping voice or may be putting too much force to back it.

If you do, it would be well for you to give some thought to improving its quality. You can, by watching and exercising self-control, cause it to become more warm and friendly.

Through practice you can make it more pleasing to listen to and so have its very sound instill affection instead of fear.

Then again, you may instill fear by appearing to be so occupied that you do not have time for others.

Persons having problems may be afraid to come to you because you give them the impression that you are too busy to listen to them. 

They may fear to disturb you, although it may well be that the most important thing you could be doing at the time would be listening to them and offering counsel and encouragement.

Are you impatient? That might also instill fear in others.

If you get annoyed at interruptions, tend to get irritable, fly off the handle or make a sharp reply due to lack of self-control, it is very likely that you will instill fear instead of affection.

Others, not wanting to be hurt or not wanting to annoy you, will get to fear you, fear lest they cause offense.

One of the most common ways in which you may, wholly unconsciously, instill fear is by you lacking empathy and understand.

How often has this remark been made to you, “Oh, you just don’t understand!”

That lack of understanding instills fear in others. It can cause you to form wrong judgments, which can act as a barrier between you and others.

How easy it is to instill fear instead of affection in spite of your intentions if you act thoughtlessly or without understanding!

Not that you must always be governed by other people's feelings in order to discharge your duties.

Rather, you want to be as effective as possible in the discharge of them.

You know what your responsibilities are, but while recognizing your duties, you can give thought to the manner in which you discharge them. You can be firm on occasion and yet be kind.

There is a time for every purpose under the sun. You do not need to go to the opposite extreme of harshness or ruthlessness or by being wishy-washy.

Even when there is need to administer discipline, remember to be slow to anger and to appeal to reason.

Those prone in instilling fear in others 

Angry woman boss yelling at a male employee.

Dictators rule by fear. Fear does not build up, and so, as a rule, the sway of dictators is short-lived. Employers and foremen must be on guard in this respect.

An employer might easily instill fear instead of affection in his employees by holding over them the threat of being discharged, or by being arbitrary and unreasonable.

As a result his employees may work only when they are being watched.

Likewise, fathers must exercise care in their relations with those entrusted to their care. Some fathers are prone to instill fear in their families.

They may demand implicit obedience and the greatest respect, while failing to show loving concern for their family.

In other families the wife is more likely to instill fear, causing the husband abdicating his role because he wants peace.

Sadly, even parents are now yielding their authority to children, fearing them. No wonder there is so much youth anarchy in the world!


Among the happiest people in the world, those who top the list are those who enjoy healthy relationships with others.

If you then want others to love you instead fearing you, then be more considerate on how you treat them also.

Life is pleasant indeed when one is treated with consideration and love!