How to avoid apathy destroying your marriage?


Although the disappearance of the family may seem unlikely, there is no question that our generation has seen much deterioration in the relationships between spouses.

Each spouse does things in his or her own way, showing little concern for the interest of the other.

This indifferent attitude is contributing to the ruining of many homes.

Since apathy is a major factor in the breakdown of marriages, you will want to be on guard to keep it from ruining your marriage.

Are you an apathetic husband?

To begin with, you will want to examine your attitude towards your wife and home.

It is easy for a husband who has many responsibilities to become thoughtless and take his wife and the things she does for him for granted.

The commonest story known on the subject of unhappy marriages is the wife who feels neglected by her husband and becomes a willing listener to someone who assures her that she deserves a better life.

This certainly emphasizes the importance of showing interest in your wife.

You may feel that you do by providing her with her financial needs, but more is needed.

You need to spend time with her and do little things to give her the assurance that you really care.

Failure to do so has started the rift that has ruined millions of homes.

Consider a typical example of an attractive 26 year old wife who felt her husband no longer loved her, even though he provided well for her materially:

“To begin with,” she explained,

he has never once told me he loved me since the first month of our marriage. In the early days he used to . . . he’d never leave home without holding me a moment or two and kiss me good-bye. When he’d come back it was always a big bear hug and kiss. He used to open doors for me and carry in the heavy groceries, notice my clothes and comment on how nice they looked. But now he doesn’t even know when to kiss me and never really looks at me at all. Shortly after we were married, it like I just ceased to exist except when he wants me sexually”

Although his husband may have felt he really did love his wife, his indifference was killing their marriage, even without him realizing it.

This may be something for you to consider.

Is preoccupation with your own affairs and failing to think about the interest of your wife having a similar effect on your marriage?

If so, what can you do about it?

What husbands can do

Think how you originally won the heart of your wife so that she wanted to spend the rest of her days with you.

Was it not by taking an interest in her, taking into consideration what she enjoyed doing and doing those things with her?

You probably made an effort to carry on an interesting conversation with her, is that not so?

Very likely you were very keen to notice her appearance be it her hairdo, dress or simply how attractive she looked and did not hesitate to compliments her.

Furthermore, it is likely that from time to time you gave her little gifts as tokens of affection.

Yes it was this concern, attention and doing things together that made for the pleasant relationship the two of you enjoyed.

Is there any reason why you cannot continue to show a similar interest now, even if it is many years since your marriage?

There really is not.

It simply means that you will again have to make a conscious effort to do so.

So look for opportunities to show love for your wife, not only by endearing words but by little things you can do for her.

Show interest in what she has done or notice the little changes she makes and compliment her.

Be considerate of her feelings and problems.

For example, if something comes up and you will be late, be thoughtful enough to notify her so that she can plan accordingly.

Rather than thinking in terms of just yourself and what you want to do, think in terms of two.

Do not always be going off by yourself fishing, plopping yourself in front of a screen oblivious to everything else.

Instead, be on the lookout for activities that the two of you can enjoy together.

The more things you enjoy in common, the greater likelihood there is that the two of you will be happy.

How to avoid being an apathetic wife?

It is not unusual for women to complain,

My husband doesn't take an interest in me anymore, he is hardly ever at home and when he is, he makes no effort to talk to me.” 

Have you ever voiced a similar complaint, or at least felt like doing so?

Instead of immediately blaming your husband, it would be wise to consider whether you have been indifferent towards his wishes and feelings, rather than giving him the respect due to him.

Perhaps your indifference has been responsible for his attitude.

For instance, what do you look like when you are with him at home?

Is your hair still up in curlers, your face unwashed and in an old robe or sloppy dress?

Now think:

Would your husband have continued to call on you before you were married if you gave such little attention to your appearance? If he would not, why are you so indifferent now?"

It is natural that your husband should want you to look attractive.

So be sensitive to his wishes and respect them.

Be observant of his reactions.

It simply does not make sense for a woman who has married a man to feel that she can now let herself go, become sloppy and perhaps succumb to her appetite and expand all out of proportion.

If you care about your appearance, your husband probably will also.

It will be an encouragement for him to spend his evenings with you.

Another chief complain of women is that their husbands do not talk with them.

However, the reason may be due to their apathetic attitude, as one woman clearly noted.

She says,

The real reason why men don’t talk to their wife’s is simply that we’re such poor listeners.”

Is this true of yourself?

When your husband speaks, do you butt in, leaf a magazine or have your ear tuned into some other matter?

Failure to show genuine interest in his opinions and feelings is certainly not exhibiting deep respect.

Instead, it discourages him from talking with you beyond the essential exchanges of perhaps, “Pass the butter please.”

Your interest can be a tremendous help to your husband.

The problems of the day may be on his mind and an understanding ear can be a sounding board for his thoughts.

It will help him to see things in their true perspective and perhaps you intuition may provide a ray of light on the matter.

However, you need to have empathy as well as discerning the time to speak and when to be quiet and listen.

By attentiveness and genuine interest you can build up your husband, giving him assurance and confidence.

This will serve to bring the two of you closer together.


If both of you take an active interest in each other the husband showing love and concern for his wife and the wife exhibiting respect for her husband you can be confident that apathy will not ruin your marriage.