How to cope with everyone getting married but you?

Men in giant boxes for women to chose

An article in the Daily Mail ran a feature on a French dating site which thought of helping women who are now finding it hard to get the ideal partner, by running a campaign to display real life men in giant boxes and leaving the single ladies to be spoilt for choice."

Is this something you would try?

We are all born with a natural instinct of wanting to forge mutual bonds with members of the opposite sex.

More so because we have the urge to procreate; however other factors such as companionship, a sense of belonging and purpose are equally important.

Therefore it is only natural to feel disheartened when you see your peers getting marriage but you still single. You may wonder if your time will ever come.

In addition, your current marital status may also be creating anxiety problems among your friends and family members.

The combination of these factors can indeed have a devastating effect on your emotional well-being.

So the imperative question is, what can you do when l find yourself in such a situation?

Here are a few things that can help you:

1. Make an honest self-examination


Generally, we are quick to identify the qualities we would want in a prospective mate, but do you ever reflect on your own?

Many of us don’t. However, it is also advisable to make an honest assessment of your own viability as a marriage partner.

Ask yourself, what kind of husband or wife shall I be? What does my present way of life reveal? Am I responsible, forgiving, patient or do l endless nag, fault find and overly suspicious?

Remember the qualities you display have a huge bearing on others finding you a potential marriage partner.

2. Have realistic expectations


Contrary to the popular believe that marriage will cure all problems, some have been shocked to discovered that it can also be a source of intense pain, if unevenly yoked with the wrong partner.

Although your friends seem to have succeeded in getting married, who can guarantee if their marriage will last or will not end in bitter divorce?

Hence do not be overly preoccupied with their act of getting marriage, devote your energies on building a solid foundation for your own marriage.

3. Do not expect to find a perfect mate


After watching a romantic movie or reading a love story or listening to romantic music one may idolize with the thought of finding such a perfect love.

However, trying to find such love will only lead to disappoint, as it is just not available in real life.

The marriage life’s of this revered celebrities who act in this love scenes can attest to this, many have ended in highly publicized divorce.

Therefore, remember all of us have our shortcomings; some of them will have just to be overlooked in order to find a marriage partner.

On the other hand, this does mean you ignore serious flaws that may lead to a disastrous marriage.

4. Exercise patience


Have you tried everything possible under sun, attended countless social gatherings, read numerous articles on relationships, and tried your very best to put your best foot forward, but to no avail?

Well, the only virtue that can help you is cultivating patience. The Webster dictionary defines patience as “an ability or willingness to suppress restlessness or annoyance when confronted with delay”.

You may ask then, how can l suppress these restless feelings? My advice would be, to take full advantage of the opportunities that singleness offers i.e. More freedom less responsibilities.

Therefore, do things that will enhance your personal happiness such as hobbies, traveling, writing, then marriage will come along in it's due time sooner than you may think.

What can you learn from a Butterfly in this respect?


A male and female butterfly in courtship dance

What would you do if you only have few weeks to find a mate? This is the dilemma that face a butterfly since it’s life expectancy rarely exceeds a few weeks.

However, finding a mate in the butterfly world is no easy job—it requires heroic patience and persistence. Why?

“Love at first sight” is unknown among butterflies. They are notoriously nearsighted, and more often than not they mistake a different species for one of their own.

This leads to many a fruitless chase that comes to naught when the butterfly suitor finally realizes his eyes have deceived him.

To make life even more difficult, the female usually isn't receptive. The ardent male flies persistently around her, in a type of high-speed aerial waltz, hoping that she will eventually relent.

But these spectacular butterfly ballets usually come to an abrupt end when the female flies off, leaving the hapless male to continue his search.

Surprisingly enough, the female is not that fussy about the fancy colors of her male consort. Although Darwin blithely assumed that butterflies’ brilliant colors provided some ‘evolutionary advantage,’ the evidence has not been forthcoming.

In one experiment females of the North American species Anartia amathea mated quite happily with males whose bright crimson and black wings had been painted black all over.

What seems to matter most is the male’s flight pattern, his persistence, and, above all, the unique “love-dust.”

The love-dust carries a pheromone that is the male’s trump card. It is a heady perfume, tailor-made to affect the females of his species.

During courtship he attempts to dust her with this “superscent.” Although the love-dust is no guarantee of success, it works wonders when a willing female is finally found.

So, patience and persistence are virtues that will work to your advantage in the long run.

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