A man hurrying away from a subway train.

New Yorkers have a reputation of being people in hurry. As a rule they talk fast, eat fast, drive fast and many die fast. The millions of tourists who come to visit the city each year never cease to be amazed at the pace of the city.

But before their two weeks’ vacation is over, they too become engulfed in the hurried rhythm of things, so much so that often it becomes hard to distinguish the visitor from the native New Yorker. In fact, some even like the excited pace and dread to return to the slow gait of their hometowns.

Contributing factors causing people to act hurriedly

A picture of people hurriedly walking.

Why do people hurry? One private secretary who was about to leave her office was asked the question. She answered: “I have a home to go to, meals to cook and a couple of children waiting for me. That’s why I hurry.”

After she leaves the office there are buses and trains to catch and shopping to do. To miss a single transportation connection may mean loss of as much as 15 or 20 minutes. “Think what I could do at home with 20 minutes!” she said.

Dan like so many other workers who drive to and from work, is always conscious of the traffic problem. “I hurry to beat the traffic” he says. “It is no picnic after a hard day’s work to buck traffic for an hour. You've got to make every second count or else you won’t have time to enjoy with your wife and kids.” He rushes to avoid traffic or he fights traffic to be with his family.

No doubt many have legitimate reasons for hurrying, but is this always the case? There are a number of people who have no idea why they hurry. Everybody else is hurrying, so they hurry too. They often lack patience.

If they are driving they will frequently pass on dangerous curves or hills and honk their horns at the slightest delay. When shopping or dining out they demand immediate attention or else they will make life miserable for themselves and others.

And about the first thing they do when they get home is to collapse exhausted in a chair and wonder what makes them so tired. If they would slow down they would know.

Poor judgment, perhaps should head the list of the factors of why people are always in a hurry. Many just do not allow themselves time enough to do things they want to do. They do not allow themselves time for the unforeseen to happen. Their schedules are always so tight that when some mishap does occur they become people in hurry.

Their reason for the big rush can be traced to ambitious scheduling. Many people try to crowd too many activities into an already overcrowded schedule. To escape this killer, one must learn to be content with getting less done.

No doubt it would be nice to have and do many things. Since we cannot have or do all things, some things must be sacrificed. So why not sacrifice the non-essentials and avoid needless worry? As a rule worried people worry about missing a train or appointment. So they rush.

Negative effects of hurrying

A man on a busy street waiting for vehicles to pass.

There was a time when neighbors would sit together on the front porch and enjoy a good and wholesome conversation. But who has time for that anymore especially in the larger cities? People have become too busy.

They do not even have time to enjoy a meal. They exist on snatches here and there and gobble their food down as if they were on the way to put out a fire. Of what profit is all this haste?

One thing is sure, the quickened pace has contributed to poor health, unpleasant relations and jagged nerves. In moments of rush people often forget that they are human. They shove their way into buses and push others aside carelessly and rudely. Frequently their behavior causes tempers and fist to fly.

Ulcers and nervous breakdowns are common fruit of the hurried. Impatience and haste are also chief causes of accidents on the highway in the homes and in factories. An impatient car driver will risk passing on a hill rather than creep along behind another vehicle. This move may sometimes end in a disastrous accident.

An impatient wife may call a repairman and then try to do the job on her own before he arrives. As a result, she often injures herself or greatly damages the equipment. The old proverbs are still true: “Haste makes waste.”


There is a time to hurry. But even then, such hurry must be mingled with good sense, love, mildness and self- control that can keep one in the right balance. Be reasonable. Learn to slow down so that you can see and appreciate the things you already have.

A rusty chain with a padlock.

At this very moment rust is sabotaging your home reducing its value and corroding away your metal belonging. Like a saboteur it works silently unobtrusively and usually behind the scenes where it is difficult to observe.

This public enemy lurks in the shadows usually doing its dirty work in dark, damp and humid places like the cellar or beneath your house. It attacks the strongest of materials iron and steel, and slowly and relentlessly reduces them to powder.

In a matter of time, pipes, tools, machinery and other metal objects are returned to the earth from which they came from. Undoubtedly you have at some time come to grips with this saboteur and perhaps you felt helpless before its stealthy onslaught. Many people do.

Effects of rust on us

A pickup with a rusty body.

You may recall being stranded on the road because the bolts on your car had rusted so that they could not be removed to change a flat tire. How frustrating!

It is no less disconcerting to find one’s car frame rusting through or to note the reddish brown or pale orange blotches that advertise that rust has been attacking the metal lawn mower, outdoor metal furnitures, garden tools or farm machinery.

Right in the home, women also often have to contend with rust. Metal containers leave rust stains on the kitchen sink. And come washing day, rust in the washtub or on the clotheslines threatens to contaminate the washing.

Rust constitutes a threat to even life itself. On occasions a mysterious explosion will be traced to leakage of a combustible gas. The culprit responsible for the explosion – a rusted pipe!

So to protect ourselves and our property it is good that we become better acquainted with rust and how it works. Just what is rust and what causes it? Such information will help us wage war a more effective war against it.

What is rust? What causes it?

A roll of iron wire full of rust.

Rust is a term that in common use is applied only to the corrosion of iron and steel, which develop the familiar reddish or brown color as they rust.

However corrosion also takes place in other metals although not all of them produce highly colored corrosion products that call attention to the condition. Aluminum for example takes on a chalky white appearance when it corrodes.

Chemical action is responsible for such corrosion of metals. Hence rust can be also defined as the destruction of metallic substance by a chemical action. When non-metals such as oxygen, sulphur and so forth combine with a metal surface degradation of metal takes place.

Why oxygen combines with metals, with the resultant rust formation, can be better appreciated by considering where and how these metals are obtained. Not all useful metals occur as such in the earth; there are mainly found in the form of ore.

Iron ore is essentially an oxide a chemical combination of iron and oxygen that has the appearance of earth and stones. The pure iron is obtained from the ore by a smelting process that separates the oxygen. Rust is the process in reverse when the oxygen again combines with the iron to form iron oxide.

So rust is basically the turning of the metal back to its original form by chemical reaction. It has been found that the more difficult it is to separate the iron from its ore the more readily it will return to its natural state.

And on the other hand iron with less difficulty, requiring only simple smelting, is more stable and thus has better corrosion resistance. That is why iron used in early times which occurred naturally or need only simple smelting was so rust resistant.

Therefore for rust to occur it is necessary that the iron or steel be exposed to oxygen, which makes up 21% of every air we breathe of air. It along with moisture apparently controls for the most part the amount of rust that will form.

However, other factors such as abrasion effect of wind and dirt, corrosive industrial fumes and the salt spray of the sea can also contribute to the formation of rust.

How to combat as well prevent rust?

Painting metal container to prevent rust.

To combat rust effectively you have to remove the circumstances causing it. Since oxygen and moisture are the main culprits,  protect your metallic possessions from them. But to do this, it will mean searching for the affected metal parts, for rust works like a saboteur quietly and usually in hard to be observed places.

For example, moisture on the back of your refrigerator or on the underside water pipes may have already invited rust in your home. This is because a condensate is usually created by the differences in temperature between the warm air outside and the cold water in the pipes.

Check rain gutters and downspouts for they are frequently attacked by rust. Other places are the insides of galvanized steel garbage cans, screens and any exposed metal in damp basements or where it is hot and humid. And remember in your car its underside, radiator and exhaust systems that are especially vulnerable.

Once affected areas have been identified, the use of rust preventive coating is the key line of defense. There are improved ones now available that are more effective in sealing out moisture and air than conventional paints.

It is important to use a coating that will penetrate and fill the smallest apertures of the metal surface and maintain that close adherence under all conditions to which the metal is exposed, otherwise rust is bound to set in.

To protect tools or other metal items that are stored in damp atmospheres for extended periods, use a special powder or impregnated paper. If tools are slightly rusted, you can clean them thoroughly with a rust remover before storing them.

Ordinary machine oil is also a good rust preventative agent if carefully applied to all exposed metal surfaces. The lawn mower, farm machinery or other equipment subject to rusting can have its useful life extended by giving it such care when it is not in use.

Rust can also be combated by employing material that is more rust resistance. For example fiber-glass awnings and polyethylene garbage cans have proved successful. Stainless steel an alloy containing chromium and nickel is highly rust resistant. It added expense may be justified by its rust free service.


Constant vigilance is necessary to keep your belongings from disintegrating before the stealthy attacks of rust. When buying or installing new fixtures always check materials in terms of the long range trouble free services they will provide. It will pay off in money saved besides giving your belongings a clean bright appearance.

A teen browsing internet with his smartphone.

If your son told you he was being pressured by schoolmates to take drugs, what would you do? Or, if your daughter told you the boys at school were bothering her, how would you react?

Surely you would waste no time in doing something about it, would you? You would try to learn the facts and see what you could do to protect your child. That is how you as a parent would usually respond.

But you really know what your children are doing online? Usually, by the time parents find out about such things it is already too late. Far too often, the only reaction is: “How could this happen to my boy (or my girl)?”

Once children are online they can be exposed to hardcore pornography, sexual predators, unhealthy associations and secret dating sites. Potentially all this is at the fingertips of any kid, and that means in the privacy of the bedroom.

All of this emphasizes that the youths of today are involved in a difficult fight. Whether they realize it or not, to come off victorious they need help from mature, experienced people. If you are a parent, are you in position to provide such help for your children?

And are you willing to make the necessary effort to help them? For you to help them you need the right information to be help them. Here is some software which can help you get access to information on what your kids are doing on the computer or smartphone.

SpectorSoft Monitoring software products

Spectorsoft monitoring software site page screen shot.

SpectorSoft is a company that offers both home and work solutions for computer monitoring. It was founded in 1998 and now has accumulated a clientele of over 36,000 corporate customers and over a million home customers. They have great products to help you effectively monitor your children activities online. Here some of them:

1. Spector Pro

Spector Pro computer monitoring software.

Do you what to see what your kids are doing on Facebook, their online searches, email, web history, chat and messages? Then Spector Pro is the right software for you. It records all those details for you, then you can replay to see what your kids are really doing online. Available for windows or mac.VISIT SITE.

NOTE:Software blocked in the following countries Sudan, North Korea, Cuba, Syria and Iran and offer cannot be accessed through mobile (reason) for ease of filling the details required.

2. Eblaster remotely monitoring software

eBlaster monitoring software for parents.

With this software you can remotely keep track of what you children are doing online whether online or offline. You can receive both scheduled or real time reports to your mobile email inbox, thus making it very easy to monitor your kids computer activity. Available for windows or mac. VISIT SITE.

NOTE:Software blocked in the following countries Sudan, North Korea, Cuba, Syria and Iran and offer cannot be accessed through mobile (reason) for ease of filling the details required.

3. eBaster mobile monitoring and tracking

eBlaster monitoring software for smartphones.

With this software you can easily track where your children are at any given moment as well as their smartphone activity with Android operating system. The eblaster mobile software can be set to send scheduled reports or real time reports. You can receive all this reports in your email inbox. VISIT SITE.

NOTE:Software blocked in the following countries Sudan, North Korea, Cuba, Syria and Iran and offer cannot be accessed through mobile (reason) for ease of filling the details required.

A young lady stranded in the wild.

It not surprising that you may find yourself stranded in a wilderness far from food stores. A number of things can happen to you that can put you in a situation where your survival depends upon your ability to find food.

Experiencing car break down in desolate places, airplanes crash or force down, unexpected floods or heavy snow, getting lost while hiking, surviving a ship sink and sometimes having to wait for rescue on an unpopulated island and so on.

So the question you should ask yourself, are you so accustomed to convenient foods that you would starve if stranded in the wilderness?

Overcoming the limitation of your diet

A family displaying a wide variety of foods they are accustomed to.

In our modern civilization the problem of getting food from day to day is not as great as it is for people living in primitive conditions. Instead of spending the greater part of everyday roaming about the wilderness looking for something to eat, you spend it at some form of employment that may have no connection with food production. With the money you earn you can go to a nearby food market and buy what you need.

Furthermore, chances are that the foods you eat from day today are rather limited in variety. You probably eat the same few basic things and seek variety by preparing them in different ways, seldom if ever trying an entire new food.

This limitation of your diet may cripple your imagination when you must find something to eat in the wild country. You could very well starve to death with food all around you, because you looked only for things that are customarily eaten in your community.

Insects can save your life

Your survival in a wilderness requires you realize that there are foods there that can keep you alive, although they may be very foreign to your customary diet. If they can provide nourishing sustenance for people of other lands, they can do the same for you. Insects are a high quality protein food and protein is what hungry people need. Here are some examples:


Locusts eating vegetation.

In countries of the North Africa and Near East where migratory grasshoppers, known as locusts, abound, this troublesome insect is regarded as a tasty tidbit. The people of a village in southern Tunisia dried and sacked three thousand tons of them during one locust invasion. By grinding and salting dried locusts these locusts became a food reserve that lasted for months. Whether dried, fried or roasted, locusts are very nourishing, minus their wings and legs, of course.


Ants walking on a wild flower.

A common insect you most likely overlook in a search for food is eaten by people in various parts of the world, especially in topical Africa. This is lowly termite or white ant. It is among the richest of all foods in terms of calories. Analysts have found that there were 561 calories for every 100 grams of this insect.

Ordinary ants are fried and canned by Japanese, who export them to gourmets through the world. Although you may have no intention of becoming a gourmet, ant can help you stay alive in the wilderness. When digging up a nest of ants do not ignore the pupae, larvae and eggs. These too are nourishing.


Bees sucking nectar from a wild flower.

If there are bees where you are stranded, you have another source of food. Besides the delicious honey that hard working bees manufacture, the bees themselves are highly nutritious, especially baby bees. When prepared for food they resemble breakfast cereal and are reported to have a pleasant, distinctive flavor.

Baby bees contain ten times as much vitamin D as cod liver oil. Like ants, bee larvae and pupae are also nutritious. The larva contains 4 percent fat and 16 percent protein. Both contain twice as much vitamin A as egg yolk. The pupa of the silkworm is also nourishing food.

Silkworm pupae 

Roasted silkworms ready to be sold.

Laboratory studies have shown that silkworm pupae as well as white grubs are satisfactory source of needed protein. Some volunteers who have tasted white grubs have said that the stew was quite appetizing. If the Australian aborigine can include worms in his diet without bad results, you can too if your life is at stake. You may have to adjust your thinking, but that is better than starving to death.


A young lady eating a grub worm.

In the forest there are many rotten logs where plump wood grubs can be found. These can be cooked into a stew, using a basin hollowed out of a log. Hot stones dropped into the basin can do the cooking. Because of valuable protein that grubs provide, starving prisoners in a brutal concentration camp have been kept alive by eating worms that may be in the food served by them.


The long fat shipworm that burrows into submerged timbers in the tropical waters is relished by some people. It is not really a worm, although it resembles one. Its relationship is to the oyster and the calm.

Some natives in Thailand plant pieces of soft wood at the mouths of streams so shipworms, or teredos as they are sometimes called, can bore into them. After a time, they raise the wood and eat the fully grown teredos. If you should be stranded in the tropical regions where teredos live, you have another source of food.

Animals and birds

A man who has succeed in hunting and killing a deer.

Wherever you may be stranded there are usually many small creatures that can be hunted. Almost all small animals and birds are edible. In fact, any fur-bearing animal, including monkeys, can be used for food. Your problem, however will be to catch them.

The best time for this is usually at dusk or early morning. Well-placed snares can catch rabbits, squirrels, ground squirrels, beaver, muskrat, and so forth. All can be eaten if there are no signs of disease on them. Birds can be snared during the day or caught after dark while they are roosting. Do not overlook their eggs, as these too make good emergency food.

If you enjoy eating eels, you should have no difficult in drowning a meal of snake flesh. Snakes are edible, whether of the poisonous variety or not. But be careful of the poisonous fang when you remove a snakes head. Also be alert for frogs. Their tasty legs can be added to your menu as well as the hindquarter of lizards.

The bleeding, skinning and cleaning of small creatures should be done at once, being careful not to puncture the bladder or intestines, as that will spoil the meat. Thoroughly cook the meat, especially if you suspect the presence of trichinosis. The best way to do this is to cut into small pieces before you cook.

In the event you succeed snaring a large animal such as a deer, you should bleed and skin it promptly. Excess meat can be preserved for future meals by smoking it. This can be done by erecting a tepee of saplings covered with bough if no cloth is available. After hanging strips of meat in it build a smudge fire of green wood allowing the meat to smoke for several hours. It will then keep for a week or more.


A man displaying a fish he has caught from a nearby river.

Possibly fish will be one of the first food you will seek if you are stranded near water. Fishhooks can be made from almost anything that will hold its shape under pressure and can be sharpened. Even small bone can be used after being carved in the right shape.

Nets can be fashioned from a handkerchief, a shirt, or even a pair of trousers by tying the legs or hands. These make shift nets can be used to catch minnows in a pond after you have scuffed up mud in the bottom so they cannot see you approach them. The same method can be used for catching larger fish.

Salt water fish can be eaten raw, if necessary, but avoid eating raw fresh-water fish, as they may contain tapeworms. We might also mention that blue or black mussel should not be eaten, as it may contain a poison that is as deadly as strychnine.


Black and red raspberries in the wild.

If you are stranded you cannot expect to find the same fruits, grains and vegetables you customarily eat, but there are many substitute to be found in wild plant life. The big question is what can be eaten?

The answer can be found by watching what birds and animal eat. Usually what they eat you can eat. Where there are ferns, these too can serve as food. None are poisonous. The fiddle heads at the top of the ferns are nourishing substitute for asparagus or cabbage. You may find the hairs a little bitter, but these can be removed by rubbing the fern under water.

Do not pass by algae that grow on the top of ponds. Although this plant appears rather unappetizing, it is very nutritious. It is estimated that a tablespoon of algae equals the nutritional value of ounce of steak. While its taste may be a little unpleasant to you, it can be improved by an exposure to an overdose of light. This tends to bleach it somewhat and make it more palatable.

You may see mushrooms, but it is usually safer to pass them by. They have little food value and some varieties are poisonous.

As a general rule, in the North Temperate Zone the flowers of practically all plants are edible. You might be interested to know that the flower and the entire plants above ground of nasturtiums are excellent for food. Attractive salads can be made by decorating them with colorful nasturtium blooms.

If you see cattails, add them to your menu. The soft core of the stalk, the young shoots and the root stalks can be boiled or eaten raw. The same can be said of water lilies. The root stalks can be eaten, raw or boiled. The tender stems can be chopped into stew. Although the seedpods are a little bitter, they can be dried and made into flour.

Where there are trees, you can find food on their nuts as well as their barks. The inner bark of such trees aspen, spruce, willow and birch can be eaten. It has been found that the inner bark of the pine tree is especially rich in vitamin C. After scrapping away the coarse outer bark the soft inner bark can be eaten raw, dried or cooked. Thin, green outer bark and white inner one is the best to eat.

Finding water

A small stream flowing in the wilderness.

In almost any wilderness food is abundant if you know how to find it, but there is another physical necessity that is vital for you survival and that is water. Finding it may require you to dig in the gravel bottom of a dry stream or the sandy seashore.

When there is a low forested area along the seashore, fresh water will often rise in a scooped-out hole in the sand if the sea is at low tide. Rain water caught in rocks or stumps is also usable.

The growing tips of plants, leaves and roots contain considerable water as well as the roots of trees in hollows between ridges. The barrel cactus is famous for its ability to store water. So water can be found if you know where to look.


Supplying yourself in a wilderness with food, water, shelter and utensils is a task that can require your full time. To exist there is not easy. It is far different from the city where the necessities of life can be obtained from stores with little effort. Your survival in the wilderness will depend upon your ability to use your ingenuity and willingness to use the food which can be found in the wild.

Picture of a happy single ebony woman.

“Why are you not yet married?” “What are you waiting for?” These questions are asked of many women who are single, sometime teasingly but often out of concern for their future. If you are among the millions of women who are single, you most likely have been confronted with similar questions. They reflect society’s attitude towards a woman being single.

For those who live in lands where women outnumber the men, there is definitely a problem, particularly for those who want to marry but do not seem to be able to find a mate. This may seem to paint a bleak future for those fearful of remaining single.

Although it presents a problem, it does not mean that you are forever barred from a happy and fulfilled life. One’s mental approach to the situation is vital. Each woman has a choice. Either she can make her life miserable by indulging in self-pity and being defensive about her single state or she can appreciate the advantages there are to singleness and make a success of it. Here are some tips that can help you.

Mr. Right and your personality

Among those living in lands where they women are free to choose their own mates, there those who have not yet married because they are waiting for “Mr. Right” to come along. Are you one of these?

Then ask yourself, how do you scrutinize every single man you meet? Are your judgments based solely on appearances such as his height, his weight, his manner of speech or size of his wallet? Is your analysis colored by inflexible ideas as to what you want in a man, with no room for adjustment?

There is nothing wrong with setting standards for yourself, but if you are more concerned with what you will get than what you will give, then you may not be the “Miss Right” for the men you meet. Remember men are also setting standards for themselves. Especially when finding some to marry they are usually seeking a woman on a much deeper level than just physical beauty.

They can notice if a woman is kind, considerate, intelligent, sympathetic and moderate. Such qualities appeal to men whom are seeking a lifetime partner. However, if a woman is domineering, bossy, too aggressive or too fussy, she can drive men far from her and chances of her being alone are much greater. How can you then develop the right qualities?

Developing marriageable traits

Even if you consider yourself to be of good personality, there is always room for improvement. Quiet observation is an excellent teacher. Perhaps you have a happily married friend. Have you noticed how she builds him with her compliments and shows him deep respect?

Have you observed how she directs the love and attention of her children and husband rather than herself thus cementing the family together? She has learned that in giving she reaps the greater reward and these qualities never go unnoticed.

You do not have to have a husband to cultivate these traits. You can develop them by practicing on those with whom you live. You can show deep respect and kindness to your father or brothers. Consideration and sympathy shown to you father or brothers often improves relations with them.

If a girl has a condescending attitude towards her younger brothers she may find that she treats other men the same way and may damage even the most promising friendship. Remember men of all ages notice and respond to women with pleasing personalities.

Indeed developing these qualities is of course no guarantee that you will find a mate, but can anyone one truthfully say that the time was wasted? Certainly not! It is the right thing to do. By so doing, you can learn to enjoy your single state and your chances of being happy when you do marry will be that much greater.

If the right person should fail to come along, you need not have fear of being alone. If you display a warmth attitude towards others and clothe it with genuine interest in those who you meet, people will be drawn to you and will want to include you among their closest friends.

Choice of recreation

When it comes to recreation, a single person can add to their happiness or undermine it. If you saturate your mind with only love stories from books, magazines, movies, you will only stimulate feelings of insecurity. It would be more productive to spend your leisure time with up building literature or entertainment and then real satisfaction will result.

You have to be honest with yourself. You should know what will build your self-esteem and what will tend to cause its deterioration. It is obvious that singleness does not need to mean loneliness. There is much that can be done to fill those empty hours.

But first there has to be a realization that happiness comes, not merely from another person or from possessions but it starts within ourselves. It is our approach to life’s problems that will determine the success or failure with which we meet those problems. 

Make success of your current singleness

It makes little difference whether your singleness is self-imposed or forced by one by circumstances, your life is by no means over. You possess, for one thing the asset of time. We all have it to spend in varying degrees but for a single person there is often more free time to waste or to use wisely.

You can use the time at your disposal to further your education. This in turn may open up the way for progression in your career or profession. Maintain a positive attitude towards your life. If you do so you will not only win the respect of others, but more importantly, maintain your own self-respect.

In facing life alone, do not withdraw into a shell of self-pity. Recognize that even if you would prefer to get married, you now have certain blessings. These include privacy, time to cultivate talents and fields of interest, freedom to make your own decisions and opportunities to widen the borders of your friendships and to do good for others.

Understandably find company of those who will show respect for you way of life rather than forever expressing concern over fact you are still single. Can you make a success of your singleness? Can you enjoy life even if you are single? Do you appreciate the opportunities offered by your singleness? The answer to each of these questions can be yes. It depends on you.

An angry couple apathetic to each other.

Although the disappearance of the family may seem unlikely, there is no question that our generation has seen much deterioration in the relationships between spouses. Each spouse does things in his or her own way, showing little concern for the interest of the other.

This indifferent attitude is contributing to the ruining of many homes. Since apathy is a major factor in the breakdown of marriages, you will want to be on guard to keep it from ruining your marriage.

Are you an apathetic husband?

To begin with, you will want to examine your attitude towards your wife and home. It is easy for a husband who has many responsibilities to become thoughtless and take his wife and the things she does for him for granted.

The commonest story known on the subject of unhappy marriages is the wife who feels neglected by her husband and becomes a willing listener to someone who assures her that she deserves a better life. This certainly emphasizes the importance of showing interest in your wife.

You may feel that you do by providing her with her financial needs, but more is needed. You need to spend time with her and do little things to give her the assurance that you really care. Failure to do so has started the rift that has ruined millions of homes.

Consider a typical example of an attractive 26 year old wife who felt her husband no longer loved her, even though he provided well for her materially:

“To begin with,” she explained, “he has never once told me he loved me since the first month of our marriage. In the early days he used to . . . he’d never leave home without holding me a moment or two and kiss me good-bye.

When he’d come back it was always a big bear hug and kiss. He used to open doors for me and carry in the heavy groceries, notice my clothes and comment on how nice they looked. But now he doesn’t even know when to kiss me and never really looks at me at all. Shortly after we were married, it like I just ceased to exist except when he wants me sexually”

Although his husband may have felt he really did love his wife, his indifference was killing their marriage, even without him realizing it. This may be something for you to consider. Is preoccupation with your own affairs and failing to think about the interest of your wife having a similar effect on your marriage? If so, what can you do about it?

What husbands can do

Think how you originally won the heart of your wife so that she wanted to spend the rest of her days with you. Was it not by taking an interest in her, taking into consideration what she enjoyed doing and doing those things with her?

You probably made an effort to carry on an interesting conversation with her, is that not so? Very likely you were very keen to notice her appearance be it her hairdo, dress or simply how attractive she looked and did not hesitate to compliments her.

Furthermore, it is likely that from time to time you gave her little gifts as tokens of affection. Yes it was this concern, attention and doing things together that made for the pleasant relationship the two of you enjoyed.

Is there any reason why you cannot continue to show a similar interest now, even if it is many years since your marriage? There really is not. It simply means that you will again have to make a conscious effort to do so.

So look for opportunities to show love for your wife, not only by endearing words but by little things you can do for her. Show interest in what she has done or notice the little changes she makes and compliment her. Be considerate of her feelings and problems. For example, if something comes up and you will be late, be thoughtful enough to notify her so that she can plan accordingly.

Rather than thinking in terms of just yourself and what you want to do, think in terms of two. Do not always be going off by yourself fishing, plopping yourself in front of a screen oblivious to everything else. Instead, be on the lookout for activities that the two of you can enjoy together.

The more things you enjoy in common, the greater likelihood there is that the two of you will be happy.

How to avoid being an apathetic wife?

It is not unusual for women to complain, “My husband doesn’t take an interest in me anymore, he is hardly ever at home and when he is, he makes no effort to talk to me.” Have you ever voiced a similar complaint, or at least felt like doing so?

Instead of immediately blaming your husband, it would be wise to consider whether you have been indifferent towards his wishes and feelings, rather than giving him the respect due to him. Perhaps your indifference has been responsible for his attitude.

For instance, what do you look like when you are with him at home? Is your hair still up in curlers, your face unwashed and in an old robe or sloppy dress? Now think: Would your husband have continued to call on you before you were married if you gave such little attention to your appearance? If he would not, why are you so indifferent now?

It is natural that your husband should want you to look attractive. So be sensitive to his wishes and respect them. Be observant of his reactions. It simply does not make sense for a woman who has married a man to feel that she can now let herself go, become sloppy and perhaps succumb to her appetite and expand all out of proportion. If you care about your appearance, your husband probably will also. It will be an encouragement for him to spend his evenings with you.

Another chief complain of women is that their husbands do not talk with them. However, the reason may be due to their apathetic attitude, as one woman clearly noted. She says, “The real reason why men don’t talk to their wife’s is simply that we’re such poor listeners.”

Is this true of yourself? When your husband speaks, do you butt in, leaf a magazine or have your ear tuned into some other matter? Failure to show genuine interest in his opinions and feelings is certainly not exhibiting deep respect. Instead, it discourages him from talking with you beyond the essential exchanges of perhaps, “Pass the butter please.”

Your interest can be a tremendous help to your husband. The problems of the day may be on his mind and an understanding ear can be a sounding board for his thoughts. It will help him to see things in their true perspective and perhaps you intuition may provide a ray of light on the matter.

However, you need to have empathy as well as discerning the time to speak and when to be quiet and listen. By attentiveness and genuine interest you can build up your husband, giving him assurance and confidence. This will serve to bring the two of you closer together.


If both of you take an active interest in each other – the husband showing love and concern for his wife and the wife exhibiting respect for her husband – you can be confident that apathy will not ruin your marriage.

Please enter your email address here if you want subscribe by email:

Delivered by FeedBurner