Posted by David Githua
22 May 2013
People go to great lengths to protect their privacy. Some will build high walls around their domain to ensure their privacy. Others will situate their homes on mountain tops or in deep forests or miles off main roads in order to be left alone.
City dwellers may rent apartments on the highest floors, have unlisted phone numbers, and conceal identities by using aliases or by wearing disguises.
Privacy means different things to different people. A wife may wish time alone with her husband. Husbands, too, at times may insist on their own “time and space.” Even young children desire their privacy. Often a room of their own represents a haven of privacy.
There are those who would put a tap on your telephone and listen to your most private and intimate conversations in your home or office. Your every move can be monitored in locker rooms of schools, factories, and offices and recorded on videotape.
By the use of laser beams aimed at the outside of your windowpanes, your conversations within can be picked up and recorded by eavesdroppers down the street. Computers are now being used to monitor your activities in the workplace.
What you write on your office computer may now be read on a monitor miles away by those who would hold against you the things you write. Neither is the cover of darkness a guarantee of privacy. With cameras that function effectively in the dark, your every move can be tracked while you walk around outside at night.
If you resent your spouse opening the mail addressed to you, what would be your reaction to those who would trespass on your privacy by reading your e-mail by hacking it? or facebook account?
You may resent being asked to take a lie-detector test in order to secure employment. But a similar test may be given you across the desk by an interviewer—without your being aware of it—through the use of a voice analyzer, which supposedly can recognize if you are not telling the truth. Businesses and giant corporations are losing top secrets through an invasion of privacy by unscrupulous competitors.
One manufacturer of the software that makes this surveillance possible says: “It permits total surveillance of all users, all of the time.” Reports coming out of the workplace indicate that the boast is not an idle one. “I can’t even go to the bathroom without being watched,” complained one telephone operator.
A director of a national association of working women said, “Many employer practices are an outrageous invasion of privacy.” “You’re a nervous wreck. The stress is incredible,” said another enraged worker. “It’s a very oppressive way to work. Is it any wonder when the “screen” you have been working with turns on you, berating you with the flashing words, “You’re not working as fast as the person next to you.” Is privacy in the workplace slipping through labor’s fingers?
History has shown that nations do not like surprises from other nations. Since the electronic technology is now available to eavesdrop on the intentions of other powers and keep costly surprises to a minimum, a clandestine surveillance war is being waged by the majority of nations to spy on one another. It is reported that “many world governments” daily sweep their government offices with expensive detecting devices that can locate hidden listening bugs.
As a result of high-tech surveillance systems developed in recent years, nations and world powers find it almost impossible not to have their national privacy invaded by other nations worlds away. Spy-in-the-sky satellites equipped with high-resolution cameras can photograph from outer space as small a thing as a baseball and can identify a man in a crowd merely by the shape of his beard.
So this few examples highlight the fundamental fact that privacy will still remain a contentious issue, as technology continues to evolve and advance, present new challenges to your privacy.
Posted by David Githua
21 May 2013
Mother-in-law and daughter-in-law
“Too much salt is not good for the family!” declares the mother. “But the food is so bland and tasteless!” insists the daughter-in-law. She drops in a pinch of salt when the mother’s back is turned.
With each trying to have her way, both end up eating a dish that neither one of them enjoys. But the consequences may be far more serious than that. In-law friction may lead to mental and emotional struggles that last for years.
For many, this kind of conflict seems unavoidable. “However well a family seems to be getting along together, there is bound to be friction between a mother and her daughter-in-law,” writes Dr. Saito. But the problem is not limited to certain countries, it is universal.
The custom of getting married and moving in to live with the parents of either the bride or the groom has caused problems in many families, and many a young wife suffers because of the often meddlesome and authoritarian attitude of her mother-in-law. What, then, may cause the problems?
Who Makes the Decisions?
When two women share a kitchen, the issue often is: Who makes the decisions? “Our tastes and methods differ, and I was flustered every time a disagreement arose,” says a woman who has lived with her mother-in-law for more than 12 years.
“For the first ten years, we confronted each other on trivia,” admits another daughter-in-law. Disagreements may rise over things as insignificant as how to hang shirts on the clothesline. Even if the women do not live in the same house, the situation may be troublesome. A visiting mother-in-law who makes such comments as, “My son doesn’t like his steak done that way,” may result in lifelong hard feelings. It all comes down to who makes what decisions and for whom.
Pointing to this issue, Sodei, assistant professor says: “Whether one lives with a son and daughter-in-law or a daughter and son-in-law, it is impossible for a household to support two wives competing with each other for control. It is necessary to have the separate living space or adjust the situation and let one be the homemaker and the other a sub-homemaker.” The two generations must come to a reasonable agreement based on the physical and mental condition of the older and the experience, or lack of experience, of the younger.
The Matter of Privacy
When two or more generations live in the same quarters, family members must sacrifice their privacy to some extent. In this, however, each member is likely to have a different yardstick. A young couple may yearn for more privacy, while the elderly may thirst for more companionship.
For example, a daughter-in-law felt that her mother-in-law invaded the couple’s privacy. How so? By taking in the personal laundry of her and her husband, folding it, and putting it away. She did not consider it proper for her mother-in-law to do these personal things for them. On the other hand, her mother-in-law, became distressed when her daughter-in-law, in tidying up the house, discarded items that she had cherished for years.
Invasion of privacy can become extreme. Tom and his wife, who took care of Tom’s elderly mother, were disturbed by her excursions into their bedroom in the middle of the night. Her reason? “I wanted to see if Tom was all right,” said the mother. The problem was not solved until they moved into a two-story apartment and the mother was forbidden to come upstairs.
In many families, though, it is when the third generation comes along that problems really intensify. Why?
Dealing With Children
Nowadays, it is common for a young mother to consult various books for advice on child care. On the other hand, grandmother, with her years of experience in child training, naturally feels that she is the one qualified to give advice.
That advice, however, is often viewed as criticism, and conflict results. Takako had to deal with this problem when she disciplined her young son. Her husband’s mother and grandmother rushed into her room to stop her, shouting even louder than the crying baby. Feeling intimidated, Takako stopped disciplining her son. Later, realizing the importance of providing discipline, she decided to resume such training.
Another mother also struggled with her mother-in-law after the children were born. The mother was annoyed that grandmother gave the children snacks between meals so that they were too full to eat their meals.
Commenting on this problem, Dr. Saito says: “[Grandparents] give sweets and allowances to their grandchildren. They indulge the selfish wishes of the young. In short, they spoil their grandchildren endlessly.” He advises that young mothers make it clear that they will make no concessions on child training.
Vying for Affection
In this conflict between mothers-in-law and daughters-in-law, there is something quite irrational at work. “Psychologically speaking,” explains Dr. Saito, “the mother feels that her daughter-in-law has snatched her son away from her. Of course, she does not orally express such a thought, as that is too childish. But, subconsciously, the thought of being robbed of her son’s affection is deeply rooted in her.” The result is a strained relationship, if not outright rivalry between the two of them.
This tendency seems to intensify as the size of families decreases. With fewer children to care for, the mother feels closer to her son. After years of living with her son, she is well aware of his likes and dislikes. Though the new bride is anxious to please her husband, she lacks this intimate knowledge, at least at first. A competitive spirit may therefore easily develop, with mother and daughter-in-law vying for the affections of the same man.
Posted by David Githua
20 May 2013
Imagine that you had the means to give every person in your life an expensive gift. How happy and appreciative they would be! Actually, you can give others a special gift, something they really need. It won’t cost you a cent. What is it?
Your attention. Most people want attention and respond appreciatively when they receive it. To give quality attention, however, you must be an empathetic listener.
If you are a parent or an employer or serve in any capacity in which people come to you for advice and direction, you need to listen empathetically. If you don’t, people will detect your lack of empathy, and your credibility will suffer.
Even if you are not frequently called on for advice, you still need to listen to people empathetically, such as when a friend comes to you for comfort. What, then, are some of the ways in which you can show yourself to be an empathetic listener?
Be Absorbed
What is an empathetic listener? Webster’s New Collegiate Dictionary defines “empathy”: “The capacity for participation in another’s feelings or ideas.” The same dictionary defines “listen”: “To hear with thoughtful attention.” So an empathetic listener does more than hear what someone says. He pays attention and shares in that one’s thoughts and feelings.
This requires being absorbed in what you are hearing, not allowing your mind to wander. Even thinking of how you will reply detracts from listening. Discipline yourself to stay focused on what the other person is saying.
Look directly at the person speaking to you. If your eyes wander, you will appear uninterested. Observe his gestures and body language. Is he smiling or frowning? Do his eyes reflect humor, sadness, or apprehension? Is what he leaves unsaid significant? Don’t worry about your reply; it will come as a by-product of your focused listening.
While listening, you will likely nod your head and use expressions of affirmation, such as ‘I see’ and ‘I understand.’ This can show that you are following along. However, don’t think that head nodding and affirmations will make people think that you are listening when you really are not.
In fact, continuous rapid nodding of the head can betray impatience. It is as if you are saying, ‘Hurry up. Get on with it. Finish.’ In any case, you need not be overly concerned about the mechanics. Just make your listening genuine, and your responses will reflect your sincerity.
Good questions also show that you are absorbed and following along. They show you are interested. Ask for clarification of points that are unsaid or unclear. Ask questions that invite the other person to elaborate and express himself further.
Don’t worry that you may interrupt occasionally, but don’t overdo it. Getting things clear is part of the listening process. If interrupting is not overdone, the other person will appreciate your desire to comprehend fully all that he is saying.
Show Understanding
This can be the hardest part, even if you truly feel for the person talking to you. When someone distressed comes to you, do you jump in with optimistic suggestions and solutions? Do you quickly point out that the situation is not so bad when compared with the suffering of someone else? This might seem helpful, but it can have a negative effect.
There are a number of reasons why you might be inclined to stop listening and start solving. You might think that your enthusiastic suggestions are just what is needed to lift the sufferer’s spirits. Or you could feel that it is your duty to “fix” whatever is “wrong” and that if you don’t, you are not being helpful or are not “doing your job.”
An early barrage of solutions, however, usually sends out discouraging messages, such as, ‘I perceive your problem to be much simpler than you claim it is.’ Or, ‘I am more interested in my own reputation as a problem-solver than in your well-being.’ Or, perhaps, ‘I just don’t understand—and I don’t want to.’
Comparing a sufferer’s problem with those of others usually communicates, ‘You should be ashamed of yourself for feeling troubled when other people are suffering more than you.’
If you unwittingly send out such discouraging messages, your friend will feel that you didn’t really hear him, that he isn’t getting through. He may even conclude that you think you are superior to him. Next time, he will turn to someone else for comfort.
What if your friend is troubled unnecessarily? For example, he may feel guilty without valid cause. Should you hurry to tell him that so that he can start feeling good? No, because if you have not listened to him first, your reassurances will be of little comfort.
Rather than feel relieved, he will feel that he has still not unburdened himself, that he still carries his guilt. As 19th-century philosopher Henry David Thoreau put it, “it takes two to tell the truth: one to say it and another to hear it.”
Participate in the feelings of the one confiding in you. Acknowledge the difficulty of his problem, the depth of his distress. Do not minimize his problem with statements like, ‘Oh, you’re just having a hard day’ or, ‘Things aren’t really that bad.’ Ironically, such minimizing may even intensify his troubled feelings. He will be frustrated because you are not taking his message seriously.
So let your responses show that you hear what is said and that you accept that this is how he feels about things for now. Empathetic listening does not require that you agree with the person confiding in you. You may believe that a person is unjustified in exclaiming, “I hate my job!” But if you react with disapproval (‘You shouldn’t feel that way’) or denial (‘You don’t really mean that’), he will conclude that you do not understand.
Your comments should reflect your understanding. To the person who hates his job, you might say, ‘It must be stressful.’ Then ask for clarifying details. Thus you are not necessarily agreeing that he should hate his job but simply acknowledging that this is how he presently feels. You thereby give him the satisfaction of having been heard, of having fully communicated his feelings. Often, sharing the problem may lessen it.
Similarly, the person who says, “My wife is having a checkup today,” could mean, “I’m worried.” Let your response acknowledge this. It shows that you listened to the meaning behind his words, which is more comforting than if you ignored his meaning, denied it, or tried to adjust him by telling him that he shouldn’t worry.
Good Listeners Talk Too!
The Art of Conversation speaks of those who listen but speak very little, “thinking that it gives them an air of dignified reserve.” This compels the other person to bear the entire burden of conversation, which is rude. On the other hand, it is also rude, and wearying, if the person you are listening to continues to talk nonstop without allowing you to express yourself.
So, while you need to be a good listener, you may also want to let the other person know that you have something helpful to say. What might you say? Having respectfully listened to your friend’s expressions, should you now give advice?
If you are qualified to give it, perhaps. If you have a solution to your friend’s problem, by all means share it with him. Your words will carry some weight, since you invested time listening first. If you do not have the necessary credentials to give your friend the kind of direction or help that he needs, try to put him in touch with someone who is in a position to give it.
In some cases, however, advice is neither needed nor requested. So beware of weakening the good effect of your listening by adding a lot of words. Your friend may simply have to endure an uncontrollable situation or take time to work through his negative feelings.
He came to you to share his trouble. You listened. You shared his feelings, assured him that you are concerned and that you will keep him in your thoughts. Let him know that he is free to come to you again and that you will respect the confidential nature of his problems. He may well need such comfort more than having you try to fix his problem.
Whether listening is accompanied by advice or not, it benefits both parties involved. The one speaking has the satisfaction of being heard and understood. He is comforted in knowing someone cares enough to hear him out. The listener is rewarded too.
Others appreciate his concern. If he gives advice, it is all the more credible because he does not speak until he has fully comprehended the situation brought to him. It is true that empathetic listening takes time. But what a worthwhile investment! Indeed, by giving people your thoughtful attention, you give them a special gift.
Posted by David Githua
19 May 2013
Where, then, do schools fit into parental arrangements for education? And what should be the relationship between parents and school teachers for children to succeed in school?
Parents and teachers association
“Parents are . . . the most important educators of their own children,” maintains Doreen Grant, author of a study of the influence of school on the home environment. But as a parent, you may find that idea hard to accept.
Perhaps you observe that the methods of teaching have changed greatly since you went to school. Nowadays, schools feature hitherto-unknown subjects, such as media studies, health education, and microelectronics. This has led some parents to keep their contact with school to a minimum.
“Talking to their child’s teachers can make the most self-assured adult feel five years old and four feet tall,” writes Dr. David Lewis in Help Your Child Through School.
Indeed, only when serious problems occur do some parents contact their children’s teachers. And then, more often than not, it is to complain. Nevertheless, parents can, and many do, make a significant contribution to their children’s education by cooperating with teachers.
Parental responsibility requires you to examine and take an interest in what your child learns at school. Why is this? Because teachers, professionally, serve as your moral agents. The values they maintain affect their pupils, for children look on teachers as role models. For their part, most teachers welcome the cooperation of their pupils’ parents.
One headmaster wrote to parents: “It has become apparent to us teachers, more than in any previous year, that a whole range of our pupils, especially those starting school, are even now largely callous and unfeeling, thoroughly ill-bred. Many are completely unrestrained, not knowing where to draw the line; have no sense of guilt; are extremely self-centered, antisocial; and become aggressive without obvious reason, strangling and kicking [others].”
This educator continued: “Even though we teachers have far more difficulty as a result, we don’t want to complain. But we have to recognize that, despite all effort, school cannot educate and bring up children on its own. We should like to encourage you dear parents to venture to take a greater hand yourselves in the upbringing of your children and not surrender to the television or to the street what is actually your own share of [the responsibility for] their personality development, teaching them standards of behavior.”
Even when teachers make such a plea for cooperation, many parents are still reluctant to help. “Not because they are uncaring, too busy or lack confidence,” claims David Lewis, “but from their firm belief that how well, or badly, a child does in class has little to do with upbringing and everything to do with their genes.” But this concept is simply not true.
Just as problems at home often affect a child’s classwork, so a good home life can help a child get the best out of school. “The family accounts for educational success and failure far more than the school,” concludes one educational survey.
The book How to Help Your Child Through School agrees: “Even the busiest parent should recognize that their attitude—the interest and encouragement they show, and the support they give, even at a distance—can be crucial to children’s progress.”
How, then, can you achieve good cooperation with your child’s teachers?
(1) Take an active interest in what your child learns
The best time to start is when your child begins to attend school. Younger children generally accept parental assistance better than adolescents do.
Read with your child. “Some 75 per cent of formal learning,” according to David Lewis, “takes place via reading.” You can thus play a leading role in developing your child’s fluency in reading. Research suggests that the progress of children who are helped to read at home often exceeds that of youngsters who receive assistance from specialist teachers at school.
Similarly, you can help your child with writing and, yes, arithmetic. “You do not need to be a mathematical genius to help with primary mathematics,” comments educator Ted Wragg. Of course, if you need help yourself in these areas, do not let any lack of skill prevent you from taking a genuine interest in what your child is learning.
(2) Consult your child’s teacher about the curriculum
By reading the school’s prospectus, find out what your child will be taught. Doing so before the school term begins will alert you to problem areas. Then, a visit to the teacher to discuss how your parental wishes can be respected will pave the way for good cooperation.
Take advantage of meetings the school organizes for teachers to get acquainted with parents. On open days, visit the school, and talk with your child’s teachers. Such contacts prove invaluable, especially when problems arise.
(3) Help your child choose his options
Know your child’s likes and dislikes. Talk about worthwhile goals. Consult the teachers to find out all possible options. They will know about any scheduling problems that restrict the choice of subjects.
The Proper Approach
Instead of complaining and criticizing, be your child’s advocate through consultation and cooperation with the teachers. Doing so, you will help your child get the very best out of school.
You can avoid much worry and heartache over your child’s education by remembering that successful partnerships are built on good communication. Here are some tips that can foster better parent and teacher communication:
1. Get to know your child’s teachers.
2. Double-check your facts before making any complaints.
3. If upset or angry, always cool down before speaking to the teacher.
4. Before meeting the teacher, write down the questions you want to ask, and list the goals you hope to achieve.
5. State your position firmly and clearly, and then work with the teacher to see what practical steps can be taken to overcome any problems.
6. Put yourself in the teacher’s position. Ask what you would do in his place. This will help you negotiate a satisfying outcome.
7. Listen as well as speak. If you disagree with what’s being said, then say so, and courteously explain why.
—Based on Help Your Child Through School, by Dr. David Lewis.
Posted by David Githua
18 May 2013
Arguing couples
She needs to air feelings. He wants to give solutions. The millions of marital arguments down through time may have had many different tunes, but they have often been variations on a few basic themes.
Understanding your mate’s different perspective or communication style may help reduce these blazing forest fires to glowing charcoal in the hearth of a happy home.
“Don’t Run My Life!”
The stereotype of the domineering, nagging wife may hit home with many, a husband who finds himself hemmed in at every turn with advice, requests, and criticisms. A wife may make a request that her husband silently resists for reasons unknown to her. Thinking he didn’t hear, this time she tells him what to do. His resistance stiffens. A nagging wife and hen-pecked husband? Or two people who simply haven’t communicated clearly?
From a wife’s perspective, she best expresses her love for her husband when she offers helpful advice. In her husband’s view, she is ordering him around and implying that he is incompetent. “Don’t forget your briefcase” is for her a statement of caring, making sure he has what he needs. It reminds him of his mother calling out the door after him, “Did you take your lunch box?”
A weary wife may gently say, “Do you want to eat out tonight?” really meaning, “Won’t you take me out to dinner? I’m too tired to cook.” But her devoted husband may seize the moment to praise her cooking and swear that he prefers it to any other. Or he may feel, ‘She’s trying to manipulate me!’ Meanwhile, a wife may resentfully say to herself, ‘Why should I have to ask?’
“You Don’t Love Me!”
“How can she think that?” exclaims a frustrated, perplexed husband. “I work, pay the bills, even bring her flowers sometimes!”
While all humans need to feel loved, a woman has a special need to be repeatedly reassured of this. She may not say so aloud, but inside she may feel like an unwanted burden, especially if her monthly cycle is dealing her a dose of the blues.
On such occasions her husband may withdraw, thinking she wants some time to herself. She may interpret his lack of closeness as a confirmation of her worst fear—he doesn’t love her anymore. She might lash out, seeking to force him to love and support her.
“What’s Wrong, Honey?”
A man’s response to a stressful problem may be to seek a quiet place to ponder over it. A woman may intuitively sense some tension and instinctively react by trying to pull him out of his self-dug hole. However well-meaning these efforts are, a husband may find them intrusive and humiliating.
As he retreats to consider his problem, he glances over his shoulder to see his loyal wife trotting behind in hot pursuit. He hears that persistent loving voice: “Honey, are you all right? What’s wrong? Let’s talk about it.”
If there is no reply, a wife may feel hurt. When she has a problem, she wants to talk it out with him. But the man she loves doesn’t want to share his feelings. “He must not love me anymore” may be her conclusion.
So when the unsuspecting man finally emerges from his inner world, content with the solution he has found, he also finds, not the concerned loving mate he left behind, but a riled wife ready to challenge him for leaving her out in the cold.
“You Never Listen to Me!”
The charge seems ludicrous. It seems to him that all he ever does is listen. But as his wife talks, she has the distinct feeling that her words are being screened and analyzed by a computer solving a math problem. Her suspicions are confirmed when, right in the middle of a sentence, he says: “Well, why don’t you just . . . ?”
When a wife comes to her husband with a problem, very often she is neither laying the blame on him nor looking for a solution from him. What she wants most is a sympathetic ear that will hear, not just the cold facts, but her feelings about it.
Then she wants, not advice, but validation of her feelings. That’s why many a well-meaning husband has triggered an explosion when all he said was: “Sweetheart, you shouldn’t feel that way. It’s not that bad.”
Oftentimes, people expect their mates to be mind readers. “We’ve been married for 25 years,” said one man. “If she doesn’t know what I want by now, she must not care or is not paying attention.”
One author states in his book on the marriage relationship: “When partners don’t tell each other what they want and constantly criticize each other for missing the boat, it’s no wonder that the spirit of love and cooperation disappears. In its place comes . . . the power struggle, in which each partner tries to force the other to meet his or her needs.”
“You’re So Irresponsible!”
A wife may not say so outright to her husband, but she can imply it just as clearly in her tone of voice. “Why are you so late?” could be seen as a request for information. More likely, though, her accusing look and hand on hip says to her husband: “You irresponsible little boy, you had me worried. Why didn’t you call? You’re so inconsiderate! Now dinner is ruined!”
She is right, of course, about dinner. But if an argument erupts, is their relationship at risk as well? “Most arguments occur not because two people disagree, but because either the man feels that the woman disapproves of his point of view or the woman disapproves of the way he is talking to her,” notes Dr. John Gray.
Some are of the opinion that at home one should be free to let the words fly unrestrained. But a good communicator seeks to work out an accord and achieve peace, considering the listener’s feelings. We might roughly compare such talk to serving your spouse a glass of ice water as opposed to splashing it in his or her face. We could say the difference is all in the delivery.
Posted by David Githua
17 May 2013
“I have a terrible memory.” Have you ever said that? If so, do not despair. A few simple tips and a little effort can bring surprising improvement. Do not underestimate your brain. Its abilities are astonishing.
How does the brain perform its amazing feats? In recent years the brain has been scrutinized as never before. But while insight is growing, we still know very little as to how the brain actually accomplishes the things it does.
How we learn and remember information is not clear, but researchers are trying to unravel this mystery. Involved in learning and remembering are an estimated 10 billion to 100 billion nerve cells, neurons, in the brain. But there are at least ten thousand times that many connections between neurons.
As we grow older, mental ability may decline; our reactions may slow down. Brain cells do not renew themselves, and adults evidently lose some continually. But to the extent that we use our brains, we may preserve our mental abilities for a longer time.
Our mental attitude influences the brain. An optimistic, cheerful outlook improves the brain’s function at any age. Some stress may be beneficial, but chronic, undue stress hampers the brain’s efficiency. Physical exercise can help to relieve mental pressure.
Encouraging as this may be, we may still forget important matters, regardless of our age. Can we improve? One area where most have difficulty is in remembering the names of people we meet.
How to remember peoples names?
A few simple suggestions can greatly help you to remember names better. Interest in the person helps. A person’s name is important to him. Often we cannot remember the name because we did not get it right to begin with. So when introduced, get the name clearly. Ask the person to repeat it if necessary or even to spell it. Use it several times in your conversation. When you say good-bye, address the person by name. You will be surprised how these few points will help.
Another tip that can further boost your memory for names is to associate a person’s name with something you can picture in your mind. If you can put action into the picture, so much the better.
For example, one person had difficulty remembering a casual acquaintance’s first name, which was Glenn. So when he saw this individual, he thought of the meaning of the word “glen,” that is, “a secluded narrow valley.” He pictured the man in this valley, viewing the beautiful surroundings. It always worked; the name Glenn popped into his mind.
Many names may have no meaning to you, so you will need to substitute a word that resembles the name. It does not matter if your substitute word does not exactly match the sound of the name. Your memory will be better able to recall the name from the association. When you make up your own words and pictures, the impression is much stronger.
You need to practice this diligently for a while, but it really works. Harry Lorayne explains this method in his book How to Develop a Super-Power Memory, and he has used it on many public occasions. He says: “Many’s the time that I’ve had to meet one hundred to two hundred people in fifteen minutes or less, without forgetting a single name!"
Way to memorize lists
How can you improve your ability to memorize a list of unrelated items? A simple method is called the link system. Here is how it works: You form a visual image for each item in the list and then associate the image for the first item with the image for the second item, then do the same for the second and third items, and so forth.
For example, you have to get five items at the supermarket: milk, bread, a light bulb, onions, and ice cream. Start by linking milk to bread. Imagine pouring milk out of a loaf of bread. While the picture may be quite ridiculous, it will help impress the items on your memory. Also, try to get action into the mental scene that involves you in pouring the milk.
After associating the milk with the bread, move on to the next item, the light bulb. You might link the loaf of bread to the bulb by picturing that you are trying to put the loaf of bread into a light socket. Then link the light bulb to the onion by visualizing yourself peeling a large light bulb and crying as you do it. Of course, it is better if you make the association yourself. Can you form an association between the last items, onions and ice cream? Maybe you can imagine eating onion ice cream!
See if you can recall the list. Then test your memory with a list of your own. Make it as long as you like. Remember, to make the association more memorable, you can make it humorous or even ridiculous or out of proportion. Try to put action into the picture, and substitute one item for another. Some may object that this method takes longer than simply memorizing the list. However, it takes longer to explain than to use.
Once you have some practice, you will form associations quickly, and your recall, as well as speed of learning, will be much better than if you try to learn without a system. When 15 persons were asked to remember a list of 15 random items without using a system, their average score was 8.5. Using the system of linking visual associations on another list, the same group averaged 14.3. Of course, if you remember to take a written list of these items when you go shopping, that would give you a score of 15—100 percent!
How to remember what you read?
In this age of prolific information, another area where most of us need help is in studying efficiently. Study is essential in school, in business, for personal improvement, and in preparation for public speaking.
‘But I have difficulty remembering what I have studied,’ you may say. What can be done? Learning to make your study time count can help you to remember what you read. Here are some suggestions.
When you study, personal organization is important. Have books, writing materials, and paper within reach. Try to study in a pleasant area with few distractions and with proper lighting. Turn off the radio and the television.
Have a regular time for study. For some, studying each day for short periods may be more effective than using a large amount of time at one sitting. It is good to divide your time into sections.
Instead of studying nonstop for two hours, it may be better to break the time into sessions of from 25 to 40 minutes each, with short intervals of a few minutes in between. Research has shown that this contributes to a higher rate of recall.
Determine what material you want to cover during your study period. This aids concentration. Before starting a book, take a few minutes to preview it. Look at the title. Examine the table of contents, which summarizes the book. Then read the foreword or the introduction. Here the author’s aim and viewpoint may be stated.
Before starting to read a chapter, preview it. Look at subheadings, illustrations, charts, summaries, and opening and closing paragraphs. Skim the first sentence of each paragraph. These sentences often contain the main line of reasoning. Get the overall picture. Ask yourself questions: ‘What did the writer set out to prove? What can I gain from this material? What are the main arguments?’
Concentration is important. You should become totally involved. The secret is to make your study time as active as possible. Kindle enthusiasm by considering the practical aspects of the information. Visualize. Use the senses by imagining smell, taste, and touch if the material lends itself to this.
Once you have got the drift of the material, you are ready to take notes. Efficient note-taking can speed up your understanding and recall of the information. Notes need not be entire sentences but should be key words or phrases that help you recall the main ideas.
Understanding information does not necessarily mean that you will be able to recall all of it in the future. The truth is that within 24 hours of learning, as much as 80 percent of the information may be forgotten, at least temporarily. That sounds discouraging, but some or much of that 80 percent can be regained by reviewing the material.
After each study session, review for a few minutes. If possible, review again a day later, then a week later, and then a month later. Your applying these points may assist you in getting the most out of your precious study time and remembering what you have read.
So do not underestimate your brain. Your ability to remember things can be improved. One scientist referred to the brain as “the most complex thing we have yet discovered in our universe.”
Posted by David Githua
16 May 2013
People with disabilities
“She can still walk,” says the mother of a young girl called Maggie. “But her coordination is off, and her speech is slurred.” Maggie has multiple sclerosis and is one of the millions of people the world over who suffer a physical disability.
Perhaps you are one of them. And whether you were born with a disability or you acquired it as the result of illness or accident, there is no need to conclude that your life is over. With patient effort on your part, you can take positive steps to cope effectively with your situation.
If your disability has just recently come about, you may understandably be struggling with feelings of bitterness, anger, and sadness. In fact, it is perfectly normal—and healthy—to go through a period of grieving when you have suffered a serious loss. But what can help you cope?
Act With Knowledge
You need accurate knowledge of the nature of your disability. This may mean reading some medical literature or asking specific questions of your doctor and other health professionals who treat you. Educating yourself in this regard can relieve you of any misconceptions that could hold you back from reaching your potential.
It may also help to keep abreast of medical developments and treatments that could improve your situation. For example, artificial limbs (prostheses) using new, lightweight materials have been developed that allow greater comfort and flexibility of movement. Indeed, there is an “explosion” of helpful devices for individuals with disabilities. Perhaps such products are available locally and are within your family’s budget.
More conventional devices, such as hearing aids, canes, crutches, and braces, may also be quite useful. Now, some people may feel too self-conscious and awkward to use such aids. You could likewise wear yourself out—or hold yourself back from enjoyable activities—if you fail to make good use of the tools that can help you.But, why let pride cause you to make your life more difficult than it has to be?
Yes, it is to your advantage to use something that will help you walk, see, or hear better. True, it may take considerable practice and patience to master using a crutch, prosthesis, or a hearing aid. And these devices may not necessarily do much to enhance your looks. But think about the freedom they can give you and the opportunities they may open up!
Challenge Yourself!
Since medical procedures may not always offer a total cure, you can circumvent the sad consequences of your disability by living up to your fullest potential. This can be done by developing the full the abilities and talents that you possess. One person who did this was Helen Keller, a famous author and lecturer, who was both blind and deaf. But there are many other physical challenged people have also excelled in various fields.
When a handicapped person feels challenged to develop his or her skills, the result is often greater independence and self-respect, not to mention the aid that such a motivated person can be to others.
“I can drive a car!” are words that were uttered by a 50 year old man who had contracted polio as a baby, his legs had scarcely grown at all. These words may sound unremarkable to you, but they had a profound effect on a 28 years old man.
He was devastated by the news that he could no longer walk without crutches. But those words helped him to cope with his depression. He reasoned to himself that, if the 50 year old man can managed to learn to drive, although more severely disabled than him, then he to could rise above his affliction and do likewise?
What benefit did gain by learning to drive depite his disabilities? He says, "renewed confidence, independence, the chance to help others, and a great deal of pleasure from being able to say, “I am going for a drive!"
Helpful Relationships
Many people who suffer disability often feel lonely in their predicament. Other times they even lack companionship. How can this vital need be filled? Sometimes pets can help. Yes, pets have helped many other impaired people.
An organizer of a program to provide pets for the sick and the elderly comments: “You only have to see the joy they get. People who are so withdrawn they can hardly speak to anyone will respond to an animal.” Of course, the advantages of having the company of a pet have to be measured against the responsibility of caring for it.
Although a unique bond may grow between the impaired person and an animal, it is by communication with other humans that of great help when available. Be assured that with time and the loving support of family and friends, the storm of hurt feelings will eventually lessen. But how can you cope when other people do not treat you well?
Dealing with people
Indeed, people are sometimes just plain cruel. Do not be surprised, then, if some of your close friends are equally merciless regarding your affliction. Usually, though, people do not really mean to hurt or embarrass; sometimes they are just curious. Ill at ease with your affliction or perhaps simply insensitive, they may say something foolish or hurtful.
What can you do? Sometimes you can laugh off embarrassing situations. You might also, for example, try putting others at ease if you sense they seem to be tense or at a loss for words. Recognize that all of us tend to fear what we do not understand.
Help others to look past your infirmity so that they can get to know the real you. When the situation seems to warrant it, you might try saying something like: “Are you wondering why I have to use a wheelchair?”. In fact one teacher, an amputee, satisfies her students’ curiosity by opening with: “I bet you’re wondering what happened. Would you like to know?”
So, despite the challenges that affect you, if you cultivate the right attitude you will be able to add meaning to life. You can become a valued member of the socitiey.
Posted by David Githua
15 May 2013
Guest post by Andrew
In today’s cut throat competition, insurance companies put up advertisements that are too good to be true. A lot of people fall prey to these lofty coverage terms.
Making insurance companies pay up the compensation amount is a difficult task. In this case, an attorney can do the needful by navigating through all the complex insurance terms and secure the compensation amount for an injured claimant.
There are other advantages of working with an attorney while dealing with the insurance companies with respect to insurance coverage claimed after an injury or any other similar events.
Why should you work with an attorney?
Here are some of the reasons that may compel you to approach an attorney in order to get your compensation from an insurance company:
Total isolation by the employer or insurer – Many a times, insurers as well as the employers cut off all sorts of communication with an injured employee. This may happen to you as well. So, in this case you may be in a better position to ask for your compensation, if you being represented by a competent attorney. However, most of the insurers do not follow the immediate contact program that should have been followed by one and all. In such a situation, you should get in touch with an attorney who will communicate with your employer.
Slow processing of the compensation check – Nowadays, increasing number of insurers are violating the insurance terms by reducing the compensation amount. This is happening even in case of lawful work injuries. As a result, a good number of outstanding medical bills are sold off to the collection agencies. Moreover, these insurance providers may take a lot of time to process the compensation check that may prove to be quite taxing for you, especially when you are in dire need of money.
Outright rejection of compensation claim – This is one of the most obvious reasons to work with an attorney. Moreover, insurance companies may reject your claim, if you stay several time zones away from the actual site of accident or injury. However, if you are a local resident from where you received your injuries, then there are very less chances of your claim getting rejected. Basically, baseless rejections happen with TPAs or third party administrators.
Last but not the least, you may have lost the health insurance benefits because a number of counties do not have laws that will make it mandatory for the insurance companies to pay up the compensation amount for a work related disability. In this case, your attorney can be of great help to secure the necessary compensation from the court of law.
Author's Bio:
+ANDREW JACKSON - is a financial writer who loves to contribute his articles to the communities, blogs and websites.
