Common marital problems that destroy many marriages

Funny picture about divorce in marriage.

There is good news and bad news about marriage in today’s world.

The good news is that it really can be one of the most satisfying and fulfilling ways to live a life.

The bad news, however, is that many marriages are very unhappy.

 A young woman columnist, arguing against the very idea of marriage, said:

“When I look at marriages, mostly what I see is pain. And the thing about having pain is that it feels so good when you stop.” 

Do you feel marriage is a satisfying way to live a life or merely a source of pain?

The pain and suffering in some marriages cannot be denied.

They are seen in the high divorce rate in lands where divorce is permitted.

Why so much turmoil in marriage?

Common marital problems

One difficulty is that no one is perfect.

We all have quirks that can irritate others.

When we see individuals only occasionally, those quirks are not important.

But when we live with an individual in marriage, they can loom very large indeed.

They can result in destructive bickering.

Or the relationship can explode in violence.

Differences in personality, or in goals, can cause big problems.

What happens when a talkative individual marries someone who prefers to be quiet?

Or when one mate values material possessions more than the other does?

Perhaps the wife may feel she has lost face if her husband does not keep her in the same luxury she enjoyed in her father’s house.

Or the husband may spend long hours at work leaving his wife alone, causing her to feel lonely.

Drunkenness is another major cause of marriage breakup.

Some, in today’s permissive generation, feel that occasional infidelity can be beneficial.

But researchers say:

“Infidelity doesn’t work. Lots of people think an adulterous affair might spice up a marriage, but an affair was always a sign of real problems. It was never a painless thing.” 

Bearing this out, reports in many countries showed adultery to be one of the most prevalent grounds for divorce there.

Did you ever consider, too, the way the deteriorating economy can erode a marriage?

When both husband and wife go out to work—as so many do today—a family tends to drift apart.

And when a couple gets deeply into debt, tension, bitterness and recriminations often result.

Again, the modern tendency of people to ‘do their own thing’ works against the stability of marriage.

Couples find it difficult to adjust to each other’s likes and dislikes.

Often they expect the same freedom in marriage that they had while single.

Married people who cannot cultivate a giving attitude have a serious problem.

Then relatives can be a problem, especially in those lands where marriage is viewed as a union of two families rather than just two persons.

In such places pressure from relatives can be strong.

The husband’s mother may be so domineering that she, rather than the wife’s husband, is her head.

Or perhaps the girl’s own parents insist on telling her what she should do, instead of letting the young couple live their own life.

These are some of the difficulties couples may encounter when they get married.

Hence, we can truly say that marriage is still under assault, still under great pressure.

Will it survive? Yes, marriage as an institution will survive, because it truly can be “one of the most satisfying and fulfilling ways to live a life.”

But evidently individual marriages can also have unhappy outcomes.

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How competition shapes personality negatively?

Ruthless boxing fight.

Bad effects of ruthless competition

Even as many of our actions and reactions are largely shaped by religion and politics, so also to a great degree are we influenced by competition.

In fact, the tight grip it has on humans may perhaps be recognized best of all in the way it molds personalities.

The very foundation upon which the world of capitalistic commerce is built, the spirit of ruthless competition, is found everywhere—at school, at work, in the entertainment and sports worlds, and sometimes even in the family.

Youngsters are taught from infancy to be competitive, to be the best, to be number one.

Getting ahead economically is viewed as all-important, and few restrictions are placed on how to do so.

For the sake of success, men and women are encouraged to be ambitious, even aggressive if need be.

Business people are trained to be friendly and polite.

But do these characteristics always portray their true personality, or do they sometimes reflect a mask they are wearing as they play a role?

Edgar Watson Howe, American journalist, gave this advice:

“When a man is trying to sell you something, don’t imagine he is that polite all the time.”

Competition fosters feelings of envy, jealousy, and greed.

People who excel may begin to think themselves superior, making them arrogant and overbearing.

Consistent losers, on the other hand, may suffer from a lack of self-esteem, causing despondency.

Faced with competitive pressures with which they cannot cope, they may choose to drop out, an attitude that helps explain the surge in suicides among young people in some countries.

By failing to provide everyone with the necessities of life equally, ineffective economic systems can warp personalities into becoming ungrateful, selfish, and callous on the one hand or bitter, self-pitying, and conniving on the other.

A young man from Bangladesh, after moving to capitalistic Europe, indeed had a point when he noted: 

“People here are interested in things; at home we are more interested in people.”

The money-centered attitude also degrades work, making it only a means to an end, a burden and no longer a pleasure

One works, not for the joy of accomplishment or for the joy of giving others the things they need, but just in order to get money.

This attitude actually robs the individual of joy of work

Do you want your potential for good to be nullified by a bad competitive spirit? 

Are you going to permit greedy to determine your set of values purely on a monetary basis?

Only you can decide how this competitive world shapes your personality.

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The problem with the modern culture of disposable products

Garbage can full of disposable products.

Modern throwaway products

To be oblivious to the garbage crisis and what contributes to it is to ignore the practices of this throwaway society.

For example, do you find that paper towels in the kitchen are a more attractive option than cloth ones?

Do you substitute paper napkins for linen ones at mealtime?

If you have babies still in diapers, do you use disposable ones rather than cloth diapers?

Are parents willing to tolerate the inconveniences of laundering their baby’s diapers or subscribing to a delivery service?

To many, a world without disposable diapers is unthinkable.

Have you found that disposable razors and cameras are just too convenient not to buy?

Few young people today have ever written with a fountain pen; ballpoint pens, some that are themselves throwaways and others with throwaway cartridges, have long since taken their place.

Businesses order ballpoints by the thousands.

Advertisers give them away by the millions.

Take-out orders of tea, coffee, colas, milk shakes, and fast-food hamburgers are no longer put in paper cups and on paper trays.

Polystyrene containers have made them obsolete.

There are plastic knives, forks, and spoons, all to be thrown into the trash after one use.

The number and variety of throwaway conveniences are endless.

What can be said of milk bottles of plastic instead of glass; shoes of plastic instead of leather and rubber; raincoats of plastic rather than of water-repellent natural fibers?

Some readers may wonder how the world was able to function before the age of plastics.

Notice, too, the row after row of products in oversize containers, screaming at you from the shelves of supermarkets and wherever else packaged goods are sold.

The age of computers—spewing out thousands of millions of pages of paper—adds to an already large paper pile that has become mountain high.

Environmental experts and officials of government, however, say we must change our habits or else be buried alive in our own garbage.

Modern throwaway products may be convenient to consumers, but they are a bomb to earth’s garbage dumps.

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How to determine if you are high risk driver?

A driver texting while driving.

High-risk drivers do not usually perceive themselves as such.

But experts recognize six types of personality faults that can easily manifest themselves when one gets behind the steering wheel.

As you consider each type, try to reflect on yourself, and see how safe a driver you are.

The Social Misfits

Among the high-risk types are the socially maladjusted, those who have problems in relating to others. They are:

1. The Self-Centered 

This is the person who insists on doing everything his own way. Sitting behind the wheel, he thinks that he is ‘king of the road.’ 

He feels free to set his own pace, ignore any rules he considers superfluous, and show off whenever he likes. He forgets that he must share the road with all the other drivers.

Acting arbitrarily and taking liberties, he causes accidents because he fails to respond to the constantly changing circumstances on the road and adapt to them.

2. The Uncooperative 

An uncooperative driver has little feeling for other people, nor does he understand how they think and feel.

Because of his difficulty in getting along with people, he is inclined to avoid them.

This is reflected in poor manners on the road and discourtesy toward other drivers—both high-risk factors.

For some, learning how to interact with people can take years, and this is one reason for the high accident rate among youths.

3. The Aggressive

One sign of an aggressive driver, according to the book Driving Instruction According to Aptitude, is,

the absolute refusal to give way to others when the driver believes he has the right of priority. He will not overlook the misdemeanors of other drivers or pedestrians, and this leads to shouting, interruption of others’ actions, . . . and horn blowing . . . in protecting his own rights to the bitter end.” 

Even imagined wrongs can provoke him. If he is also quick-tempered, his driving will often exceed the bounds of common sense.

The Emotional Misfits

Then there are those with emotional problems. These include:

1. Unstable Emotional

The Unstable Emotional extremes characterize the unstable person.

He has bouts of lightheartedness, excitement, and depression.

If he drives while depressed, he will miss seeing dangers, and his reactions may be too slow for safe driving.

If he drives while experiencing an emotional high, he may be reckless.

Warnings given to him in this mood are liable to ignite a display of rebelliousness.

He may recognize only his depression as abnormal.

2. The Overly Nervous

 Frequently this is a quiet type who gets wrapped up in his own thoughts, worrying about everything.

When driving, his mind is cluttered with non-driving information,” so that he is “more likely to miss important information or to misinterpret it,” observed researchers Richard E. Mayer and John R. 

A nervous driver may go to pieces even in situations that are not critical, such as when a truck pulls up alongside. He expects the worst.

3. The Impulsive 

This type acts quickly. Instead of taking the time to ascertain the facts and make an accurate judgment, he tends to rely on instinct.

The time spent waiting for traffic lights and pedestrians seems much longer to him than it does to an ordinary person.

So he gets frustrated and quickly loses patience. His failure to render a sound judgment before acting makes him a dangerous driver.

Do you see yourself in any of these types?

What is your reaction when some inconsiderate driver tries your patience?

If the shoe fits, as the saying goes, by all means wear it. For your own safety, heed the warning, and work on the weaknesses.

You need to be in control of your emotions and attitudes to be a good driver.

Being a well-adjusted driver

But what makes a good driver?  Traits of a good driver are, consideration for others, thinking before acting, ability to grasp the entire situation, wisdom to judge accurately, discernment, mildness, self-control, and acting in a way that protects other road users.

Good drivers also have a high degree of emotional stability; the mental process of perceptive judgment works faster than their bodily reactions; their judgment is accurate; they can control their emotions.

Does this description fit you?

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